so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
