New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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