Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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