He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
