Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
