Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
