I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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