at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
