I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
