it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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