my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
