best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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