Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize