Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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