Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
