we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
