Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
