is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
