you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
