The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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