come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
