Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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