just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
