I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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