I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize