Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
