i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She bit a glass in half.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
