We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
