I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize