apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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