Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
