Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
