I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
