Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
