Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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