please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
