they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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