ugly people sure do ruin things
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
