I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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