$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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