Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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