Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My balls are so social today.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
