Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
