What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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