hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
