so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
