He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
