the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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