OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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