All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize