you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
