hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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