So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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