Apparently you make a good broom.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
