You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
