Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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