We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
