WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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