Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
