So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she told me i tasted like america
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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