yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize