If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
