Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
