So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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