I wish I could punch you in the face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
