just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
