If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
