Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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