I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize