I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize