If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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