I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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