She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
