Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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