My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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