I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
